Essie Bridal Collection 2008

I've been meaning to swatch this collection for MONTHS, but my nails are always so stained that I haven't been able to until now. For some reason my nails are really nice and white and pretty right now... I haven't done anything different! Maybe it's from all the swatching I've done this week. Who knows. I'm not complaining.

Anyway, just in case you like these polishes and don't want to read my less-than-glowing opinion of them, I'll post the pictures first and my review second :)



Blushing Bride. A sheer milky cream with a bit of a pink tint.


Cloud Nine. A sheer bright white jelly.



Happily Ever After. A sheer milky shade.



No Pre-Nup. A sheer pink jelly.


Tie The Knot. An off-white cream with a hint of beige.


True Love. A sheer peachy-pink jelly.


Now for my review.


Honestly, I HATE this collection. Sorry sheer-lovers. I just can't do it!

First of all, I never wear these types of colors so they are way outside of my comfort zone. They're not my style, not my personality, and really, really uninteresting to me. I'll go so far as to say that these polishes depress me. When I look down at my hands while wearing these, it's like seeing someone else's hands attached to my body. Freaky.

Second, what you're looking at is SIX COATS OF POLISH. No, I'm totally serious, six freaking coats of polish are on my nails here and they're not even close to being opaque. I do not like to see my nails through my polish. If I were to do only two or three coats of these polishes, it would pretty much look like I'm wearing nothing on my nails. I just don't see the point. With foundation it's one thing- wearing makeup to look like you're not wearing makeup. But my nails? This look is not for me, that's for sure.

Third, if your nails are even the least bit yellow or stained, these polishes will look like total crap. There is no hiding stains with these polishes. Any little bit of damage (like those white lines from where I slammed my finger in a cabinet) or discoloration will be glaringly obvious. These polishes require naturally flawless nails to wear, otherwise it just enhances and draws attention to any flaws that are present.

The colors are boring, plain, demure, uninteresting, natural and just all around too feminine for me. This means that a lot of women probably love these to death, and more power to them. If you like these colors, awesome for you. Thousands of them exist in the world and you can easily find something to suit your tastes. For me, they are the essence of frustration. When I go to the store looking for a cool new polish in a fun color, all I can find are hundreds of sheer pinks!! Sheer pinks are the bane of my existence, if you haven't noticed. Hah!

Okay, okay. I know I'm being harsh. But hey, this is my blog!

I guess there's one color I like from this collection. Cloud Nine.

Cloud Nine is really pretty. It's a bright white jelly that brightens your nails and makes them look very clean. I think it would be a good base for other colors and I'm sure it would make a really natural looking french manicure. If it wasn't so sheer, I might actually wear it. It's soft enough to not look retro, super bright but not stark and chalky looking! It is a really nice white jelly.

Why do all 'bridal' collections have to be so plain? Not every bride on earth wants plain nails on her wedding day. I sure didn't- I wore glitter! Holo glitter! OPI Paris Couture For Sure and Orly Love Each Other, to be exact. I wish someone would release a funky bridal collection for people like me. Seriously, not every bride wants to look identical and not every bride wants the stereotypical chunky fake pink-and-whites that plague the pages of bridal magazines and posters inside salons.

I can see that there are plenty of situations that call for these types of polishes. Job interviews, perhaps. Very conservative offices, sure. Jobs where you're not allowed to wear polish but want to do it anyway without drawing attention to it, totally.

Not all collections of sheer pinks are boring and plain. In fact, there is a collection of sheer pinks and whites that I absolutely love and would totally wear (and have actually worn)! I'll post about that later this week. Light feminine colors can have character and still be pretty (and not need six coats to wear).

*sigh*